There’s listening and then there’s active listening. Active listening means fully engaging with your child by using eye contact and responding with nodding whilst they’re speaking and also by repeating what your child has said, back to them.
For example, your child says “nobody wants to play with me.” Rather than responding with “That’s not true! We are just busy at the moment.” or “yes they do, I’ll play with you.” You repeat their words. Like this: “You think that nobody wants to play with you.” You can then follow this with a question to engage your child in a deeper conversation. Something like “How does that make you feel?” or “Why do you think nobody wants to play with you?”
By repeating what your child has said, you’re showing them that you’re really hearing them and making an effort to understand them. By not responding with an immediate counterargument or a solution to their issue, you avoid invalidating them.
If your child believes that you’re really listening to them, they believe that you really care and that you’ll hear them without trying to solve everything for them. This gives them the safety and security to open up to you and share with you their most vulnerable thoughts and feelings.
