Young children don’t have the cognitive functioning to fully express their feelings and emotions verbally. If you try to ask them direct questions about their feelings and thoughts around a difficult situation, you are at risk of bringing up feelings of shame or embarrassment that may cause them to withdraw and shut down.
Think of a garden snail that instantly withdraws into its shell if you prod its feelers. If you give the snail some space and have patience, it will begin to come out of its shell.
As you gain the snail’s trust, it will start moving towards you and volunteer its attention. Next time you find yourself wanting to confront your child directly, remember how tender their feelers are.
